Fairy Tales Gone Insane
by Cut Throat 666
Summary: 2nd attempt at reposting this story. I was bored so I decided to make up a messed up fairy tale where random X-People become the characters of old children stories. Warning this story may cause people to fall out of their chairs, laughing
1. Fairy Tale’s Gone Insane

Summery: I was bored so I decided to make up a messed up fairy tale where random X-People become the characters of old children stories. Warning this story may cause people to fall out of their chairs, laughing.

Fairy Tale's Gone Insane

Chapter 1

Once a upon a time, there was a young mutant girl named Jubilee, who was extremely bored with everyday life. She found blasting bad guys with her fireworks no longer entertaining nor did she find putting itching powder in Scott's underwear drawer amusing anymore. She sat on the front steps of the X-Mansion and sighed, "Oh, I wish there was something to do." Just then a little green pimp suit popped in front of her, "Whoa! Who the heck are you?"

He took off his green pimp hat and bowed, "I am your Magical Pimp Daddy here to make your wish come true."

"Exsqueeze me?" she said, blinking at the miniaturized man floating in front of her.

"I, the prince of Pimp Daddieness. Has heard your distressful wish and Pimp Daddy is gonna grant you your wish, baby, cause Pimp Daddy don't like to see pretty girls frown."

Jubilee poked at Pimp Daddy, still not believing that the little man was real. "So you can grant my wish, huh?"

"Yes, indeedie. You get one wish, but choose your words carefully, cause there's a lot of loop holes that can royally screw you over. Believe me. One time I wished for a High Class Bitchin' Woman and instead of getting' the honey that I was wantin' I ended up with Martha Stuart. Lucky for me, I was able to keep her away from me by giving her her own tv show. So what can your Pimp Daddy do for you today?"

Jubilee thought for a moment, but a question entered her mind that she just had to ask, "Can I ask ya a question?"

"That depends. Is it a wish or is it related to yours truly?"

"It's too you."

"Okay. Shoot."

"What are you exactly? Are you suppose to be an upgrade of a leprechaun or something?"

At her question, Pimp Daddy fell to the ground, and glared at her, "Just make your damn wish, so I can be outta here. I got more honeys that need their wishes to be granted."

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. Let me think… Oh, I know! I wish life was like a fairy tale, only more exciting."

Pimp Daddy looked at her with wide eyes, "You're kidding me right?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Here it goes." he cracked his fingers and popped his neck, then started doing a dance and a chant:

Magic is as magic does

Give me thy power, cuz

I got a honey

Who has no money.

Fairy Tale's and excitement is what she wants

And Fairy Tale's and excitement is what she'll get.

There was a loud thundering sound around them and with a snap of Pimp Daddy's fingers a large book magically appeared in Jubilee's lap. Jubilee looked at him disbelievingly.

"A book? That's what I get?"

"Not just any book, baby. A magical fairy tale book. Once you open it you become one with the story as do the people you know. But beware, once you enter, you can never leave, until the story has an happy ending. Oh, yeah, before I forget. I actually added in a few non fairy tale rules just so it don't get too boring for ya."

"Wow. Um… Thanks. I think."

"Well, my work here is done. Pimp Daddy is now off to help another honey in distress." with a snap of his fingers the little man disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

Jubilee looked down at the newly acquired book , unsure as to what to make of it, but her curiosity had gotten the best of her and she opened it. Sparkles rose from the book and the pages shown brightly.

"Wow!" she said, and then she was sucked into the book.

She was falling, falling down into a black of nothingness, until she hit something very hard. She closed her eyes in pain as she felt the wind being knocked out of her. Slowly she opened them and saw that she was in a wooden area.

"What the?" she said to herself, "Where exactly am I?"

"I dunno. Why don't you tell me, Jubes." said a familiar voice.

"Bobby?" Jubilee looked around, but she did not see any sign of her partner in crime, "Bobby, where are you?"

"Try looking down." he replied irritably.

Jubilee looked down to see a miniaturized, gingerbread man that had Bobby's features. The ginger bread Bobby did not look too happy. Jubilee though, despite her friends predicament laughed full heartedly.

Bobby rolled his raison eyes, "Ha Ha Very funny. Now do you mind telling me why the hell I'm a Christmas cookie and you're dressed as Little Red Riding Hood?"

Jubilee stopped laughing and looked down at herself. She was indeed dressed as Little Red Riding Hood and right next to her was a large basket of goodies. She reached for the basket and took a look inside. She blinked in shock.

"Jubilee!"

"Wha? Oh, sorry." she quickly covered the contents back up, "Well, I actually made a wish that life would be more like a fairy tale, only more exciting, and the Pimp Daddy granted it and-"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Back up for a sec! The Pimp Daddy granted your wish?"

"Well, he was wearing all green, so I'm guessing that he's an upgraded version of a leprechaun, only he gives you one wish." she paused for a moment to take a breath, "Anyways, he granted my wish and gave me this magical book. He said that once I open it me and everyone that I know will become a fairy tale story and that the only way we can get out of the book is by making our story have a happy ending."

Bobby blinked disbelieving to what he has just now heard. He shook his head and looked up at her, "You say that we can only get out of here if the story has a happy ending?"

"Right."

"And that everyone you know will be in this story world?"

"Right."

"Even Logan?"

"Mm-Hmm"

"We're screwed."

"Awe, come on, Drakester. Don't be such a downer. Who knows, he might actually be a cute little door mouse in this story."

"Only if we're lucky." he folded his arms in front of his chest and pouted.

Jubilee giggled, she got up brushing herself off, picked up Bobby and placed him on her shoulder, and then picked up the basket of goodies. She smiled at Bobby and said, "Cheer up. We're in a really cool fairy tale now. So that mean's we're gonna have loads of fun."

"If you say so. But I swear if I get eaten in any part of this story, I'm so kicking your ass."

Jubilee giggle and skipped along the way with the gingerbread Bobby sitting on her shoulder.

So Little Red Jubilee and the Little Gingerbread Bobby were skipping wandering around the woods, until the found a path. They took and began following the path to God only knows where.

Soon after a while Gingerbread Bobby became quite curious as to what was in the basket of goodie.

"Hey, Jubes."

"Yeah, Bobby?"

"What's inside that basket?"

"Oh, nothing." she lied, and he knew it.

"Jubes. This is me you're talking to. Come on. Tell me what's in there."

Before Little Red Jubilee could say anything a figure running in the distance had caught her eye. She squinted to see who it was. So far the only thing she could make out was a huge outline of them and they were running really fast in their direction. She soon realized why they were running. Right behind them was a rather large blue dragon breathing blue lightning.

"Help!" they screamed, "Somebody help me! I'm in a bad dream and I can't wake up!"

She and Gingerbread Bobby recognized that voice, blurting out their name in unison, "It's Remy!"

Remy was running as fast as he could. He spotted a young girl up ahead and moaned, "Even if dis is a dream… I can't pass up a chance to save a pretty-Jubilee?!"

Jubilee chuckled nervously, "Ha Ha Hi, Remy."

The blue dragon soon landed on the ground and reached out to grabbed Remy.

"Yikes!" Bobby cried, "We've got to help him!"

"Right!" she reached for her basket.

Bobby looked at her nervously, "Uh… Jubes? Isn't this kinda inappropriate to have a snack?"

"You wanted to see what was inside this basket of goodies didn't ya? Well, now you're going to get your chance." she reached in and like magic she pulled out a really, really big rocket launcher. "Remy, you better duck, unless you want to get hit too."

Remy's eyes went wide. Quickly he dove out of the way into a nearby bush.

The blue dragon looked at Remy, then at the little girl holding a really big rocket launcher. It's eyes widened and it started waving it's arms frantically.

"Say your prayers dragon! This'll be the first bad guy encounterment in our story!" she pulled the trigger and the rocket launcher fired away.

The dragon instinctively opened it's mouth and blew it's fire weapon it the incoming rocket, only to have it blow up in it's face. The dragon fell over and looked at the young girl with disbelief and anger.

"I hate you." it said and then turned to dust.

"Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Our first battle in "The Fairy Tales of Jubilee"!" she bounced up and down, then put the rocket launcher away.

Bobby looked down into the basket where she was putting the rocket launcher and gasped when he saw what all was in it. Hand grenades, crossbows, 22 magnums, dynamite, shot gun rifles, ammo, and many other things that a 13 year old should never have without a license.

"Uh… Jubilee?"

"Yeah, Bobby?"

"If this is a fairy tale story, then why do you have very violent weapons of mass destruction in your goodies basket?"

"Oh! The Pimp Daddy said that he threw in some non fairy tale stuff to make the story more interesting. Whaddya think so far?"

"It's definitely interesting."

The sounds of Remy rustling out of the bushes made them look up. Bobby folded his arms and pouted again. Jubilee on the other hand looked at Remy with a gleam in her eyes. Remy walked over towards them, not having to really ask he looked straight at Jubilee.

"Dis was your doing wasn't it, petite?" he was dressed as prince charming, all clean shaved and everything. He even had a sword.

Jubilee drooled at the sight of him, but answered his question, "Yep."

Bobby glared up at him and grumbled loud enough for Remy to hear, "How come he gets to be Prince Charming and I get stuck as a snack food?"

Remy blinked, "Bobby?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"You're a-"

"Not one word. Not one word!"

Remy turned to Jubilee, who finally snapped out of la la land and told him the whole story. Remy then looked at her as though he want to either kill her or take full advantage of the prince charming role.

"So, ya wanna join our little fairy tale fun?"

Remy shook his head, "Naw, petite. Remy wants to have his own fun by finding damsels in distress."

"Hey! What about me?!"

"You ain't no damsel and you surely ain't in distress, petite. You just incurably crazy. Well, Remy be seein' you later. Have fun with your story, petite."

Without a second glance Remy turned back around and headed off on his own little fairy tale adventure.

Note: Hey, I keep everyone that they meet all together. Otherwise there wouldn't be a fairy tale to tell and there'd just be too many people to keep track of.


	2. The Three Little Mutant Pigs

The Three Little Mutant Pigs

Chapter 2

So Little Red Riding Jubilee and Gingerbread Bobby skipped along the merry little path, until they came upon three houses. One was made out of straw, the second was made out of sticks, and the third was made out of bricks.

Jubilee looked at Bobby and said, "Let's go check it out. I wanna see who I know got transformed in this story."

Bobby rolled his eyes, "Jubes. I have one thing to say to ya. Karma."

"You really don't believe in that stuff do ya?" she giggled.

"I'm a professional prankster. Every person I do a prank on somehow comes back and bites me in the ass later on. I hope that karma shows its ugly head and gets you back for this stupid wish."

"Yeah, right. You're just mad, because you got stuck as the Gingerbread Man and not Jack Frost."

He folded his arms and pouted, "At least Jack Frost doesn't have to worry about crumbling in a glass of milk or get eaten."

"Oh, Bobby." she laughed and headed up to the first house made of straw and knocked on the door.

Inside they heard someone shuffling around and approaching the door. The door opened and out popped a little pig standing on it's haunches that looked a lot like Monet. It had Monet's hair, eyes, and a nose that was always stuck high up in the air. She came out wearing a night mask with curlers stuck in her hair, rubbing sleep from her eyes with a piggy hoof.

"Whoever you are." Monet began, "This had better be important enough to wake me from my beauty sleep. Otherwise… I'm going to-" she broke off when she finally opened her eyes and saw a pair of pale legs standing in front of her. She looked up and saw a very tall Jubilee standing in front of her. She blinked a couple of times and slowly headed back into the house, chanting, "It's only a dream. It's only a dream. It's only a dream." she then closed the door right behind her and went back to bed.

Jubilee and Bobby both fell to the ground laughing.

Bobby sat up, wiping a tear from his eye, "Ooh! Let's go see who's in the other one."

"I knew you'd start liking the story eventually."

They got up and went to the second house made of sticks and knocked on that one. Slowly the door opened. They looked down to see a very paranoid piggy peeking out of the doorway. They looked up at them, their eyes widened, and then slammed the door.

"What the hell?" Bobby blinked, "Knock again, Jubes."

Jubilee knocked again. The door opened up and this time the person behind the door poked their head out. Looking up at them with nervous gray eyes.

"Uh… Hi, Jubes." squeaked Skin.

Again, both Jubilee and Bobby fell down laughing as they saw the gray piggy with brown hair.

Skin's face contorted with embarrassment and anger, "Don't laugh at me! It's not funny!"

Their laughter continued, but the third door of the third little pig popped open. Out came a piggy version of Paige. She didn't get laughed at like Monet and Skin.

Jubilee cocked her head to the side, "How come it doesn't surprise me that Paige would be the third little pig?"

Bobby shrugged his shoulders and watched as an angry Paige walked towards them.

"What the hell is going on here? I'm trying to sleep and- Hey! Why the heck are ya'll dress up for?" she glanced at Jubilee, ignoring Bobby, and then at Skin. She blinked at him and scratched her head with her hoof, "Skin? I knew that you were an egotistical pig, but I never thought you actually become one."

"Speak for yourself, Miss Piggy!"

"Huh?" Paige looked down and shrieked. "Oh, no!"

Skin sneered at her, "Yeah, ya really let yourself go. Maybe next time you'll go on that diet that Monet suggested."

"Why you!" she tackled him and began to beat him to a bloody pulp, "Diet this, you jerk!"

She punched him across the face.

"Oh, bitch, you did not just do that!" he retaliated and slugged her back. The two grabbed each other and began rolling around on the ground. Kicking, biting, punching, and squealing as they beat the shit out each other.

Monet soon popped back out of her straw house, looking extremely annoyed. "Alright you two! This may be a bad dream, but this is my bad dream and I will not have you two ruining it by- OOF!!!"

Paige and Skin's fight rolled them into Monet and knocked her feet right out from underneath her.

"THAT'S IT!!!" she got back up and leapt at them, "I'm going to kill you both!"

So now The Three Miniaturize Mutant Pig's were kicking up a large cloud of dust.

Monet was pulling on Skin's hair, while he was kicking Paige in the shins, while Paige was punching Skin in the stomach and yanking on Monet's hair as well. Monet screamed, she reached around, and punched Paige in the snout. Paige stumbled back, holding her bleeding nose, blinking away the tears.

"You bitch!" screamed Paige, as she jumped back in and started biting at Monet's ear.

Jubilee looked at Bobby wryly, "Ya know what, Bobby?"

"What?" he asked.

"This stories turning out to be really awesome!"

He smacked himself on the forehead, "God I hate you sometimes, Jubes."

Suddenly Monet turned around and faced them both. She glared straight at Bobby, "And as for you, you fortune cookie rip off!" she jumped up and grabbed Bobby, "I'm sick and tired of hearing your irritating voice!" then all of the sudden she stuck him in her mouth and bit his head off. Dark caramel filling squirted out of his decapitated head.

Jubilee screamed, "You killed Bobby!"

"Correction. I just made a bad dream better and now it's about to get even better. Time do die, Jubilation!!!" Monet leapt at her.

Without even thinking Jubilee swung her basket around and knocked Monet back down to the ground. "Eek! Sorry about that Monet." Monet got back up and attacked again. Jubilee held her free hand out in front of her to blast Monet with her fireworks, but nothing came out. Her eyes widened, "Oh, shit!" Monet latched onto her face. Jubilee stumbled backwards and fell to the ground.

Monet rose up and began pounding on Jubilee's face, "Ooh… I'm going to enjoy every moment of this."

"Fuck you!" Jubilee finally reached up and punched Monet back, "That was for Bobby!" she then rolled over, reached into her basket of goodies and pulled out a hand grenade. "Eat this, you bitch!" she pulled the pin and shoved it into Monet's mouth, then took off running in the opposite direction with her basket in one hand.

Skin and Paige stopped fighting for a moment to see what Jubilee had done and they too bolted.

As soon as everyone was a good 20ft away from Monet she exploded.

Everyone who did not blow up where blown in a different direction. Paige landed in the Magical Forest, Skin landed into the Mysterious Mountains, and Jubilee landed in the Waste Lands.

What will happen to our beloved heroes?

Stay tuned for the next adventure of When Fairy Tales Go Insane.


	3. My Egg!

My Egg!!!

Chaper 3

Paige went sailing through the air. Below her was the magical forest. To her it looked just like any regular old forest. She fell into a large tree and into a very large birds nest. She let out a sigh, thinking God for landing her someplace safely, until she actually got a good look at the nest that she was in. Her eyes widened when she saw that there were five large green speckled eges that were her size sitting around her. She gulped and slowly stood up.

"This don't look good." she murmured.

"I should say not, gel." came a familiar voice from above. She looked up to see a rather large green bird that looked similar to Toad perched on the edge of the nest, "This is my nest that yer sittin' in and that happens to be one of my eggs that you crushed with yer fat ass!"

Paige looked down to see that the bird like Toad was right, she was covered in green yolk from the waist down. She looked back at the bird nervously, "Uh... Sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry?!" he huffed, "Not as sorry as yer gonna be! No one messes with Mortimer Tonybee's belongings and gets away with it! Come're, ya lil' bugger, I'm gonna eat you alive!"

Little Paige gave out a loud squeal as the Infamous Toad began pecking at her piggy head. Quickly she raced to the opposite side of the nest and dove out. Toad followed in pursuit, bent on seeking vengence for his lost egg.

"Get back here! I'm not through with you yet!"

Paige looked down at the ground that was coming fast and saw that this fall would kill her. She tried to husk herself into something hard so she could protect her body, but her skin wouldn't tear.

"Oh, no!" she squealed.

"Oh, yes." called the large hideous bird after her, "I'll be having pork chops tonight."

She was about 20 feet away from hitting the ground when suddenly she felt something catch her and land safely on the ground.

Toad squawked in irratation, "No!"

Paige looked up to see Forge, who was dressed in a bunch of animal skins, holding her.

"Forge?" she blinked.

"Don't worry, young lady. That bird won't attack you any longer, not as long as you stay near me." he turned his attention on Toad, who was flying in circles above them, "Be gone fowl beast. You shall not have this one's bones added to your collection."

Toad squawked in fury, "But she broke one of my eggs! Do you know how long it took me to lay just one?!"

Forge looked up at him curiously, "No. But what puzzles me is how a male bird can lay eggs."

"I don't know how! All's I know is that those eggs are my babies and I'm gonna raise em' up and give em' the love that me own parents would not give me. But that bloody bitch broke one of my babies and I want retribution!"

"Do you even know what retribution means?"

"AWK!!! Don't question me about my educational learning!!! What I know is my business. Awk Now gimme that piggy!"

"No."

"GRRR THEN DIE!!!"

Toad swooped down and began his attack.

Forge pulled out a bone sword and a scale shield, ready for the fight. "Stay close to me, young one." he whispered to her.

In a flash Toad drew first blood. His rasor sharp claws raked up against Forge's face making him cry out in pain. The blood dripped down the sides of his face, but it did not keep Forge from focusing on the large green bird. Toad came back around for another attack. He swooped down again, planning on taking a swipe at the man's throat, but Forge was ready for him. With one swipe he sliced into Toad's right wing making him go crashing to the ground. Forge waited for the bird to get up not wanting to risk leaving Paige vulnerable in case Toad was faking his injury.

Toad got up and glared at the man before him, "Not fair! Not fair! You have a sword, while I have only claws and a beak to fight with."

"A bird can be just as viscious and dangerous as a sword if you know how to use them."

"Grr You may have won this round, but I promise you that the next will be mine!" with that he hobbled over towards his tree and slowly made his way up into his nest.

Forge lead Paige away from that dangerous place, until he knew that they were safe.

Forge looked down at his piggy companion and smiled, "Well, now. Who might you be? I recognize the golden locks, but I'm afraid that my eyes are deceiving me."

"Don't worry, Forge. It's me Paige. So... I'm guessing that this is just another part of my weird dream?"

"I'm afraid not. This isn't a dream at all."

"So, this is all real? What exactly is going on?"

"I believe that this is another nitorious wish from the ellusive Pimp Daddy. I'm not sure as to what he is, but I do know that he grants wishes to pretty young girls. Are you the girl that he granted this bizzare wish to?"

"Nope. Ain't me. Nor Monet, which she ended up getting blown up."

"Hmm Any idea who it might me, then?"

"Could be Jubilee, but I don't think that she's crazy enough to make a wish like this."

"I wouldn't put it past her. I've seen her when she's on a sugar high. Either way, there's nothing to really worry about."

"What do you mean that there's nothing to worry about?! So far people that we know are being blown up or eaten!"

"Don't worry. My cousin made a fairy tale wish similar to this, she said that practically everybody died in her story book, but once it had a happy ending everybody was restored back to life in reality."

"I sure hope that yer right, Forge. For all our sakes."

Earlier, Skin landed in the Mysterious Mountains. Instead of landing on something hard or pointy, he landed on something soft, but extremely smelly.

"AGH!!! What the hell is that horrible smell?!" he looked around and saw that he sitting on a very, very large troll looking person that was sleeping. "Oh, God! Did anybody ever tell you to use breath mints? Yuck." he took a closer look at the sleeping form who was just now waking up, "Uh-Oh! I'm outta here."

"Wha?" said the large troll looking thing. He saw a small little piggy running along his stomach, "What's this?" he reached out and grabbed Skin, "Who dares run across The Blob?"

Skin's jaw dropped, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

To be continued

Heh Heh Heh


	4. Mountain Trail

Mountain Trail

Chapter 4

Skin squirmed in The Blobs grasp, squealing his little head off. Blob stared at the little gray piggy wondering if this was a dream or just a really bad case of gas.

"Put me down!" Skin squealed.

"What kind of sausage are you??" blinked the mountain troll Blob, "You so small and speak like a human and yet you're nothin' but a itty bitty piggy. Maybe you just a figment of my imagination or maybe you some kind of weird mutant who can shrink and morph into different forms."

"If you don't put me down right now I'm gonna make you!"

Blob pulled him closer to his face, "You in no position to be making demands, small fry. How's about I just eat you right now, so I no longer have to hear your annoying voice?"

Skin gasped, "Gah! Uh, no no no. Let's not get drastic now."

"Then tell me who you are and why you be waking me up from my nap!"

'Got to think fast.' Skin thought to himself, 'But what can I say to make this tub of lard let me go?' suddenly a thought came to him, 'Wait a second! I read somewhere in the archives that Blob is actually one of the slowest mutants on the Brother Hood team. Maybe I can out smart him or trick him into letting me go.'

"Answer me, tiny one, or I shall eat you right now!"

"Uh… I am a Ang- I mean, I am Oolong the Great and Powerful Pig Demon! I go to different regions and do as I please. Release me now there'll be a great reward for you down at the bottom of the mountain."

"A reward?" a smile quirked at the corner of Blob's mouth, "What kind of reward?"

"Riches beyond your wildest dreams and a never ending supply of Twinkies."

"Wow Twinkies!!!" he tossed the little piggy to the side, "I love Twinkies! I'm gonna get them before someone else does!"

Skin rubbed his head with his piggy hoof and watched Blob race down the mountain. He shuddered when he saw that Blob wasn't wearing any cloths, "I could have gone without seeing that." he looked around and saw a path leading down the opposite way, "I'd better make myself scarce before he comes back realizes that there's nothing down there but trees and dirt."

He raced down the path not caring where it would lead him as long as it put some distance between him and Blob.

Blob reached the bottom of the mountain to find that there was nothing there, "Wha? No! The talking piggy deceived me! I'll make him pay." he turned back around and raced back up the mountain to find that Skin was no longer there.

It had been an hour since skin left that part of the mountain. He soon found himself at a cave opening. He was tired. Reluctantly he walked inside the cave and fell asleep. When he woke up, he found himself in a different part of the cave. He sat up to and looked around. In the far corner of the cave there was a figure hunched over a fire, cooking something.

The figure looked up, "Oh. You're awake. Good."

The voice sounded familiar. Skin rose to his feet and walked over to the fire. He squatted down by the figures side and peered into his face, "Everett?? But how- You're suppose to be-"

"Dead?" Everett chuckled, "Yeah. I was, but something brought me back to the physical world. I don't' know what it was, but it's something not natural."

Skin looked his friend up and down. Everett's body looked real and it looked almost human, only thing different about him was the fact that his skin was gray instead of its natural color. Skin reached out to touch his long departed friends body, his body was hard as a rock, and cold to the touch.

Everett sighed, "I'm as stiff as my old body." he looked at Skin and smiled, "At first when I saw you enter the cave I thought I was seeing things. It's not everyday that you get to see a pig that can walk on its haunches and talk in their sleep. At first glance I wouldn't have recognized you, but when I heard you speaking Spanish and took a closer look at you I then knew who you were. I knew that you were a egotistical pig, Ang, but I didn't think you'd actually turn into one."

"Funny, amigo. At least I am not a walking statue."

"Better to be a statue than to be what's next on the menu."

"Cute, Ev. Real cute. Speaking of cute, I just saw Jubicita some time ago. She had this weird looking dress. Made her look like a Chinese version of Little Red Riding Hood. Monet and Paige were pigs though."

"So, I guess M's not gonna be winning the beauty contest this year, huh?"

"She's not gonna be winning anything, homme. She's got herself blown up."

Ev blinked, "What?! How?"

"Jube's put a live hand grenade in her mouth. All's that's left of her are some very over charred pork grinds."

"Dude, that's not funny!"

"You're right. But what's funny is that you dated her. I can't believe that you of all people dated the one person who was more colder that the White Queen."

"Oh, and you think I could do better?"

" Hell ya. I'd rather have the one chica that was chasing me since the first day that I met her than the ice bitch who gave everybody the third degree."

"You're just jealous that she became my girlfriend instead of yours."

"Jealous?! If I was jealous you would have been missing your pinga, amigo."

"Yeah, right."

"You know, I think those worms have eaten away at your brain for way too long. You've become even more dumber than when you were alive."

Ev groaned and leaned back against the wall, "Maybe this isn't your dream. Maybe this is hell and I'm being punished for being associated with you."

"Go to hell!"

"I think I already am."


End file.
